Moving Forward Through Radical Acceptance: A Paradoxical Approach to Self-Esteem and Productivity

In my life, radical acceptance has been a foundational concept in helping me capitalize on opportunities and recover from set-backs. This principle lies at the core of a therapeutic approach known as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), in which therapist and client work together to navigate the delicate balance between change and acceptance. To me, radical acceptance means deeply acknowledging the realities of a situation without judgement or immediate response, enabling the inevitable and temporary hardships of life to flow through me.

Below are three ways in which radical acceptance can make a difference for you.

1. Radical acceptance allows me to prioritize more effectively. If I have a long to-do list and an unrealistic sense of what I can accomplish, I will not get the most important things done in my day. Radically accepting the limitations of my money, time, interest, and skill gives me a keener sense of what is essential. I can let go of tasks that I do not need to do and create pause to take on more commitments.
   

2. Radical acceptance means being able to release what is really good in order to embrace what is truly great. It's often simple to give up the bad for the good, but it becomes more challenging to let go of the good for the great and even more so to part with the great for the awesome. There is a sense of loss when relinquishing good possessions, experiences, roles, and relationships. Trying to postpone this feeling of loss, attempting to hold onto both the good and the great, will eventually lead to burnout. However, by taking the time to comprehend my own values and aspirations for my life, by acknowledging what needs to be relinquished and allowing myself to mourn that decision, my life experiences will reflect a deeper alignment with my values, passions, and abilities.
   

3. Radical acceptance involves embracing the aspects of myself that I feel ashamed of. There have been instances where I have acted in ways that do not align with my values, displaying insensitivity, dishonesty, impulsiveness, arrogance, and lack of generosity. I often find myself dwelling on my actions, replaying conversations, rereading messages, or seeking reassurance from friends to justify my feelings of shame. I tend to become defensive when faced with criticism. However, true relief does not come from seeking validation. I have found that real growth and transformation occur when I acknowledge my behavior with honesty, kindness, and curiosity. Recognizing that we are all inherently flawed and imperfect, I can accept the challenging aspects of my character with the same openness as I embrace my intelligence, humor, and empathy. Viewing myself through a compassionate lens allows me to gain a deeper understanding of my own nature and the internal and external factors that influence both my shortcomings and strengths, as well as those of the clients I work with.

If you are seeking a caring and thoughtful collaborator to assist you in defining your values and goals, I currently have availability for a few new clients for the third quarter, either in person or online.

Please feel free to drop me an email megan@mlabconsulting.ca

(Radical Acceptance sounds straight-forward but it is a tricky posture to understand. This simple handout from DBT founder Marsha Linehan is particularly helpful.)

Radical Acceptance DBT Skills.pdf

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